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Posts Tagged ‘funny’

The Occasional Daily Chuckle! 5-26-08

Posted by lordcomicguy on May 26, 2008

Granny rugby-tackled jay walker

A 77-year-old granny made a citizen’s arrest in Germany when she rugby-tackled a 25-year-old jay walker.

The pensioner sat on him until police arrived – because he had walked across a road before the light was green.

The woman, from Freital, near Dresden, shouted at the man as he crossed the road before the little green man flashed up.

The old lady said she became even angrier when he hit her with his rucksack as he pushed past her when he reached the other side of the road.

She grabbed his hair and managed to wrestle him to the ground where she sat on him until police, who had been called by a passer-by, came.

He was taken to a local police station where he was fined for jay walking.

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The Daily Chuckle! 4-21-08

Posted by lordcomicguy on April 21, 2008

Drug Dealer Calls Police When He’s Robbed

NORTH NEW HYDE, N.Y. (AP) ― A Long Island man had to know he would be arrested when he called police to report he had just been robbed during a drug deal that went bad.

Nassau County Police say 23-year-old Christopher Canonico of Seaford called at 8:19 p.m. Wednesday to say he had just been robbed in North New Hyde Park.

Police say Canonico was set up by two women who agreed to buy heroin at a local gas station. While they were sitting in Canonico’s car, a third person with a gun came up to the car and robbed him of $340, a cell phone and wallet.

Police say Canonico is charged with criminal sale and criminal possession of a controlled substance. The women and man with the gun are charged with robbery and other charges.

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The Weekend Chuckle! 4-20-08

Posted by lordcomicguy on April 20, 2008

Toddlers can no longer get hitched in Arkansas

Law had mistakenly allowed anyone to marry with parental consent

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. – Arkansas’ marriage-age crisis is over. A law that mistakenly allowed anyone — even toddlers — to marry with parental permission was repealed by a measure signed Wednesday by Gov. Mike Beebe, ending months of embarrassment for the state and confusion for county clerks.

Lawmakers didn’t realize until after the end of last year’s regular session that a law they approved, intended to establish 18 as the minimum age for marriage, instead removed the minimum age to marry entirely. An extraneous “not” in the bill allowed anyone who was not pregnant to marry at any age with permission.

The bill read: “In order for a person who is younger than eighteen years of age and who is not pregnant to obtain a marriage license, the person must provide the county clerk with evidence of parental consent to the marriage.”

Some lawmakers called for a special session last year, saying the error would make it easy for pedophiles to take advantage of the law. Beebe said he didn’t see any imminent crisis and said the chances of children marrying under the law were slim.

Special session
Legislators, however, had the chance for a do-over this week when Beebe convened a special session to consider a hike in the state’s severance tax on natural gas. They repealed the botched law, and reinstated 17 as the minimum age to marry for boys and 16 for girls.

Rep. Will Bond, the sponsor of the botched 2007 law and its correction, apologized for the error and asked his colleagues to “throw me a rope and bail me out here.”

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Experience? Well, I’ve recently been a moron …

Police: Store robber leaves name, uncle’s phone number on job application

ATHENS, Ga. – Police say they got a major clue to the identity of a suspect in the armed robbery of a convenience store — his job application.

Investigators in Athens, Ga., say Demetrius Robinson filled out the application to kill time while waiting for the Golden Pantry store to empty of customers.

Authorities say it was Robinson who then produced a knife and held up the store last week

The job application gave Robinson’s name and an uncle’s phone number, but a phony address.

Police arrested the 28-year-old man Saturday on armed robbery charges.

An official at the Clarke County Jail said Robinson remained in custody Sunday but did not know whether he had an attorney.

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The Daily Chuckle! 4-17-08

Posted by lordcomicguy on April 18, 2008

Husband Clings To Hood As Wife Speeds Away

(CBS) It was a fight between a married couple that took a twist that even cops have never heard of. Call it going from zero to crazy in one second.

“I would categorize this as a very unique case of domestic violence,” said Sgt. Matt Young of the Sacramento Police Department.

The fight reportedly started at the husband’s mother’s house, and eventually escalated to the wife grabbing the car keys from the husband. She got into the driver’s seat and he stood in front of the car, apparently to stop her from leaving.

It didn’t.

She hit the gas, and he jumped onto the hood. Cops say Deana Redd was on a joyride around Del Paso Heights, heading from Roanoke Avenue to Marysville Boulevard. She decided to take another turn, this time merging onto Highway 80.

The strange sight passed by dozens of stunned people.

“We did get quite a few calls,” Sgt. Young said. “Obviously people were very concerned for the gentleman’s safety.”

She eventually got off the freeway on Norwood, striking another vehicle. That didn’t stop her either.

Redd drove into a field at Bell and Rio Linda, skidding around under the husband finally lost his grip and flew off the hood. That’s when Redd stopped the car and when cops finally caught up with her.

Redd is being charged with assault with a deadly weapon and driving under the influence, among other charges. Her husband only suffered minor injuries during the incident.

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The Daily Chuckle! 4-15-08

Posted by lordcomicguy on April 15, 2008

The getaway vehicle was … a wheelchair?

Police say man in electric wheelchair robbed bank, made good his escape

PALO ALTO, Calif. – Palo Alto police are looking for a bank robber who favors a decidedly slow-speed getaway vehicle — an electric wheelchair. Police said a man in his 60s with gray hair and a beard held up the Wachovia Bank branch at the Stanford Shopping Center late Friday afternoon with a black handgun.

After the stickup, he left in his wheelchair and was last seen motoring down a nearby street toward El Camino Real, a major thoroughfare.

Witnesses say the man’s legs were wrapped in bandages and his right leg was sticking straight out while he zoomed away.

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The Daily Chuckle! 4-14-08

Posted by lordcomicguy on April 14, 2008

Drivers Flood Station For 35 Cent Gas

Traffic was backed up and police were called to control the crowd after a Wilmington gas station accidentally set the pump price at 35 cents a gallon.

The Wilmington Star-News reported Friday that hundreds of drivers flooded a BP station for the cheap gas after the price dropped around 9 a.m. Thursday.

Station employee Shane Weller said the price for premium gasoline was supposed to be $3.35 a gallon. He complained that customers paid the cheaper price all day without saying a word.

It was all the extra traffic that led station employees to the mistake around 6 p.m. They found it after calling their district manager, looking for permission to changing the price as a way of stemming the flow of customers.

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The WEEKEND Chuckle!

Posted by lordcomicguy on April 13, 2008

Romantic proposal leads to gazebo blaze

CHAPPAQUA, N.Y. – Lawrence Waterhouse III pulled out all the stops — and all the candles — when he proposed marriage to his girlfriend in the gazebo outside his suburban home.

He had set it up very, very nicely,” Chappaqua Fire Chief Andy Metz said Thursday. “He had candles in the trees, candles and dogwood petals along the path, a chandelier with votive candles.”

The girlfriend apparently said yes to the romantic Wednesday night proposal, and the couple left town early Thursday for a trip out west, Metz said. Unfortunately, at least one of the candles apparently stayed lit.

“We got the call about 7:15 this morning, and when I got there five minutes later the gazebo was fully involved in flames,” the chief said. “Luckily, nothing else burned.”

Metz tracked down Waterhouse at a New York airport and told him about the fire, but advised him to continue with his trip.

“Nobody was hurt, so I told him to go ahead with his vacation,” the chief said. “He gave me his brother’s number, and the brother told me about the proposal.”

The chief said the fire was “a unique event.”

“We’ve had candle fires, of course, but I can’t remember one at this level of romance.”

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Masseuses told to padlock pants

JAKARTA (Reuters) – A bid by a local government in Indonesia’s East Java province to curb prostitution by asking masseuses to wear a padlock on their pants was an insult, a newspaper quoted the minister for women’s empowerment as saying.

 

The recently implemented policy in the tourist area of Batu was misguided, State Minister for Women’s Empowerment Meuthia Hatta told the Jakarta Post on Thursday.

 

“It is not the right way to prevent promiscuity. It insults women as if they are the ones in the wrong,” Hatta said.

 

The paper showed a photograph of a masseuse with a padlock on the waist band of her trousers and said the local administration’s move was aimed at curbing prostitution and maintaining Batu’s image as a popular tourist destination.

 

The best way to curb prostitution in massage parlors was to improve security systems including installing CCTV, Hatta said.

 

Batu, 75 km (46 miles) south of Indonesia’s second-biggest city, Surabaya, is a popular tourist destination for its cool climate, hot springs and mountain scenery.

 

Indonesia has a flourishing sex industry and massage parlors are frequently a front for prostitution. But there has been a vigorous debate over morality in recent years, exposing deep divisions in the Southeast Asian Muslim-majority nation.

 

Last month, Indonesia passed a bill to restrict access to pornographic and violent sites on the Internet, while parliament has yet to pass a controversial pornography bill that aims to shield the young from pornographic material and lewd acts.

 

Earlier draft versions contained provisions that could jail people for kissing in public and criminalize many forms of art or traditional culture that hinge on sensuality, sparking criticism it could curb freedoms and hurt Indonesia’s tolerant traditions.

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The Daily Chuckle: 4-10-08

Posted by lordcomicguy on April 10, 2008

Man arrested for forgetting to pay for pop

CLEVELAND, April 8 (UPI) — A Cleveland man says he was arrested after mistakenly leaving a store without paying for a $4 case of soda among his two cartloads of groceries.

Tom Sturgis said he paid for $157.20 worth of groceries at the self checkout lane of a Brooklyn, Ohio, supermarket and walked out the door not realizing he had forgotten to pay for the soda, which was on the shelf under the cart, WEWS-TV in Cleveland reported Tuesday.

Sturgis said a police officer working security asked to see his receipt.

“I went looking for the receipt, the pop wasn’t on it and they decided to have me arrested,” he said.

“It’s over a case of pop,” said Sturgis’ wife Wendy. “He turned around and offered to go back in and pay for it and the cop told him it’s like robbing a bank, you just can’t get caught robbing a bank and say, ‘I’m sorry, I’ll give you your money back.'”

Sturgis, who was charged with petty theft, spent 3 1/2 hours in jail, from 11:30 p.m. until 3 a.m.

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