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Archive for April 3rd, 2008

Yes, I’m jumping on the blonde bandwagon…

Posted by lordcomicguy on April 3, 2008

She Was So Blonde…

1. She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said “concentrate”.

2. She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

3. She got stabbed in a shoot-out.

4. She told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK”.

5. She thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. 6. She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

7. She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

8. She tried to drown a fish.

9. She thought a quarterback was a refund.

10. She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

11. If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you’d get change back.

12. They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.

13. Under “education” on her job application, she put “Hooked On Phonics.”

14. She tripped over a cordless phone.

15. She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

16. At the bottom of the application where it says “sign here”.. she put “Sagittarius.”

17. She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

18. It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

19. If she spoke her mind, she’d probably be speechless.

20. She studied for a blood test …and failed.

21. She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.

22. She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

23. She thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

24. She sold the car for gas money.

25. When she saw the “NC-17″ (under 17 not admitted.), she went home and got 16 friends.

26. When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

27. She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.

28. When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

29. When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said “Airport Left” she turned around and went home.

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The Daily Chuckle! 4-3-08

Posted by lordcomicguy on April 3, 2008

You might remember seeing this one on the Today show a few days back…

Alleged Safe Thief Asks for Phone Call



Mar 26, 4:59 PM (ET)

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CHICAGO (AP) – An alleged thief wasn’t fazed when workers at a Chicago muffler shop told him a safe he wanted to rob wasn’t open. He just asked them to give him a call when their boss returned with the combination.

The 18-year-old got a call. But so did Chicago police.

When Ruben Carate returned to Velasquez & Sons Mufflers For Less on Monday, plainclothes Chicago police officers shot and wounded him in the leg. Carate was charged Tuesday with attempted armed robbery and aggravated assault of a police officer, the Cook County state’s attorney’s office said.

“He gave us his phone number when we told him we didn’t have any money. He told us to call him back when the owner came back with the money and he was going to come back and rob him,” said worker Tony Diaz.

“It’s pretty funny now, but it wasn’t at the time,” Diaz said.

A masked man entered the shop with a gun and demanded money around 8 a.m., said mechanic Jose Sida.

Employees told him they carried little cash and couldn’t open the safe, so the man left two numbers to call when the owner came in, Sida said.

“No one could make this up,” said police Lt. Scott Schwieger.

The man returned around noon, wearing the same mask and clothing. Officers told employees to get to the back of the shop, Sida said.

Carate was treated at Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center for a gunshot wound, said Mark Payne, a spokesman for the Independent Police Review Authority. An inquiry into the shooting will take six months to complete, he said.

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The Daily Chuckle! 4-3-08

Posted by lordcomicguy on April 3, 2008

You might remember seeing this one on the Today show a few days back…

Alleged Safe Thief Asks for Phone Call



Mar 26, 4:59 PM (ET)

p {margin:12px 0px 0px 0px;}

CHICAGO (AP) – An alleged thief wasn’t fazed when workers at a Chicago muffler shop told him a safe he wanted to rob wasn’t open. He just asked them to give him a call when their boss returned with the combination.

The 18-year-old got a call. But so did Chicago police.

When Ruben Carate returned to Velasquez & Sons Mufflers For Less on Monday, plainclothes Chicago police officers shot and wounded him in the leg. Carate was charged Tuesday with attempted armed robbery and aggravated assault of a police officer, the Cook County state’s attorney’s office said.

“He gave us his phone number when we told him we didn’t have any money. He told us to call him back when the owner came back with the money and he was going to come back and rob him,” said worker Tony Diaz.

“It’s pretty funny now, but it wasn’t at the time,” Diaz said.

A masked man entered the shop with a gun and demanded money around 8 a.m., said mechanic Jose Sida.

Employees told him they carried little cash and couldn’t open the safe, so the man left two numbers to call when the owner came in, Sida said.

“No one could make this up,” said police Lt. Scott Schwieger.

The man returned around noon, wearing the same mask and clothing. Officers told employees to get to the back of the shop, Sida said.

Carate was treated at Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center for a gunshot wound, said Mark Payne, a spokesman for the Independent Police Review Authority. An inquiry into the shooting will take six months to complete, he said.

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